What I love about somatics is the way it helps us embrace embodiment - the state(s) of being present in our experience and present with ourselves and others - as a practice, something to consistently be in relationship with.
I help clients build a personal embodiment practice - a set of somatic practices and other strategies - that they can integrate into their daily lives, and this is a central component to my Find Your Roots group healing program.
Here are a few ways developing a personal embodiment practice(s) can help you build community as a mixed person.
Have a healthy relationship with yourself, your body, and your emotions
A lot of people feel like they need to get rid of their anxiety in order to lead more functional lives. And to a certain extent, I absolutely want you to feel good and calm and whatever else feels yummy in your body. LORDE knows I want that too!
But it’s also important to grow your capacity to feel your emotions. So that when anxiety or shame or fear shows up, you have space for it. you don’t feel like a failure for feeling this way again.
Emotions are data. They are how our body communicates to us whether we are safe or in danger, whether we want to get closer to someone or not.
Sure, they can be a little intense sometimes. And when we live with trauma, our spidy senses can sometimes be a little off or super sensitized.
But in my work I more often find that people don’t need to feel less. You need to feel more. You need to come alive to your emotions. Your emotions offer a level of truth you can’t get to on a purely intellectual level.
So what’s important is developing solid tools for regulating when you are too overwhelmed AND learning how to ride the wave and move with your emotions whether through coping strategies, ritual, connection, or otherwise.
In somatics and trauma therapy, we refer to this as building capacity.
Instead of feeling like we need less stress, we can feel like we have more space for stress so that when we feel it it doesn’t overwhelm us.
On my YouTube I share an analogy for this using a jar. When the jar is full of stress (represented by water) we might be tempted to dump some of it out; but we can actually reach for a larger jar that can contain more.
Of course, there are limits to the amount of stress we can or should have to endure (*cough* oppression, racism, capitalism cough), but most of us also need help managing the day-to-day and interpersonal stressors that put us just over the edge.
Trust yourself to take more risks
As you build capacity, you will naturally begin to develop greater self-trust and a feeling of inner belonging. This feels like:
A sense of belonging in your own body
A sense of I got this
And being ok in the moments when you don’t ‘got this’ - trusting yourself to fail, or to pursue other resources, rather than blaming yourself or feeling like there’s something wrong with you
For many of us, there’s a tremendous amount of physical discomfort with taking risks and experiencing failure. For me, I get this dropping feeling in my gut.
In my group programs, I always facilitate an exercise modeled after the good-old “floor is lava” childhood concept. In a silly, low stakes way we expose ourselves to that gut dropping feeling (or whatever it is for you) and pick ourselves back up. This is practice for our bodies to get more comfortable with that feeling when the stakes feel higher.
Suss people out with more ease
Belonging is such a fundamental human need, but the quest for it often comes with a lot of baggage when you’re mixed.
A lot of the time I find that mixed folks are seeking a very “exterior” sense of belonging. You want the warm, fuzzy, connected, yumminess that happens on the inside with belonging but your actions are actually focused on being accepted or winning people over.
This makes a lot of sense - it’s a very “survival mode” approach to connection. It’s like, I need this ASAP PLZ! (And maybe sometimes wanting to prove to others that you have community)
But usually this only results in superficial or misaligned relationships, and then that can leave you feeling like you’re the problem because you’re not getting back what you’re putting in to the relationship. So then you’re feeling like you’re “not enough” or “too much.”
But really you’re just seeking belonging with the wrong people. Or not doing the fun or vulnerable or risky-in-a-good-way things that will bring you closer to others and bring the outside experience of belonging in.
Things will actually start to shift when you ask yourself this question:
Do I know what belonging will look like or feel like when I have it?
When you have a felt sense of belonging on the inside you’ll stop focusing on what you need to do or who you need to be to belong.
Instead, you have something clear to cross-reference what you’re feeling relationship-to-relationship with what you know about how you feel when you belong.
I have a free video practice that will help you heal your belonging wound by getting super crystal clear on what belonging feels like for you. You can get that right here.
And so much more!
These are truthfully just a few of the ways somatic practice and developing a personal embodiment practice/ritual can support you in building community as a mixed person.
Stay tuned for Part 2 coming next week.
I want to highlight my upcoming group program, Find Your Roots which starts next month!
Schedule a free consultation and we can talk about whether working one-on-one with me or joining Find Your Roots will be the best fit for you!
Photos by Andrea Piacquadio and RF._.studio