How somatic therapy can help you heal from borderline personality disorder

Borderline personality disorder is a DSM diagnosis marked by severe mood swings, impulsive behavior, and difficulty forming stable relationships. It is one of many personality disorders, which are mental health conditions characterized by inflexible patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving that deviate from social expectations and cause significant problems in daily life.

It’s my professional take - and that of many others - that what we call borderline personality disorder (BPD) is not necessarily only an innate state of being, but the result of relational trauma. Those with BPD have nervous systems that have experienced tremendous relational distress and are caught between self-protection and connection strategies. 

In trauma language, we would call this a manifestation of Complex PTSD. In attachment language, we would call this a disorganized attachment style or attachment strategy. All three terms - CPTSD, disorganized attachment, and BPD, share traits such as mood swings, increased arousal, intrusive thoughts, negative self-view, difficulty in relationships, fears of abandonment, chronic sense of emptiness, dissociation, and more.

Now, it’s important to note that the traumas that shape our brains and bodies are not always just what happened directly to us in our lifetime, but also those that happened to our families and ancestors and have therefore shaped our genetics through epigenetics - how genes are expressed differently based on environmental factors.

This is a key perspective in somatic therapy - that we are not born with disorders out of thin air - but that our brains and bodies aquire adaptations based on our and our ancestors experiences.

If you have been diagnosed with BPD - however you got here - somatic therapy can help in a number of ways.

Somatic therapy can help people with BPD traits develop a secure relationship with themselves

Firstly, somatics can help you develop a secure relationship with yourself. Using an experiential somatic approach, I will help you to become a compassionate witness to your inner system. We will get to know your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and rather than just trying to change them to make you fit a social or cultural norm, we will get curious about the protective nature of these patterns. We do this through tracking sensations, emotions, and thoughts - a foundational somatic skill - as well as opening a dialogue between the different parts of you who carry these patterns; Where do they come from? What are their hopes for you? How can you work together?

This open line of communication will serve you when you’re outside of session, because you’ll be more able to notice when certain thoughts, feelings, or sensations arise, slow down, and get curious about what’s happening for you. You’ll learn how to handle mood swings with coping tools; somatic resources, self-talk, and more. 

You’ll also feel less shame or judgment, because you’ll understand that they are trying to help you (even if it doesn’t feel that way at the surface). Shame does very little to actually produce change. With somatic skills such as tracking and compassion, we unlock brain pathways that slow down your reactivity. You’ll build trust to ride the wave of mood swings, and trust that they will end. It’s common when you’re in a mood swing to feel like it’s going to last forever, so you have to act now. With somatic skills, you’ll be able to regulate yourself as a way of taking care of yourself instead of disciplining yourself for having the mood swing or having BPD traits in the first place.

Somatic therapy can help people with BPD traits react less impulsively to triggers

Somatics can help you differentiate from the parts of you who react impulsively when you feel misunderstood or during conflict. Building on your skills of tracking, cultivating self-compassion, and being in dialogue with your inner world, I will teach you how to differentiate from your intense feelings and behaviors. Think of it like the difference between drowning in the deep end, and standing on the edge of the pool and dipping your toe in. We won’t get rid of your emotions - they are important - but it will feel like they don’t take over the driver’s seat so much.

Because you know how to ride the wave of your mood swings, and you have compassion for yourself, you’ll be able to slow down, regulate, and then decide more intentionally on how you want to respond to a trigger, whether that be in a relationship or something else.

Somatic therapy can help people with BPD traits take things less personally

Because you are developing a relationship with yourself where you feel secure and can slow down, you’ll have more space to get curious about what’s happening in someone else’s inner world. You’ll be able to understand more easily that their own distance after a conflict might be a way that they too are self-regulating to protect the relationship, for instance, rather than a sign that they are abandoning you. You’ll be able to offer them grace, or reach out with curiosity instead of blame.

This is a key relationship skill - to allow for both closeness and distance in relationships - to trust that the two will ebb and flow - to trust that conflict doesn’t mean a relationship is over.

Help is here

Whether the BPD diagnosis feels right for you, or if you feel more alignment with Complex PTSD or an insecure attachment style, I’m here to help. We can work on these skills and many others in psychotherapy. I integrate mindfulness, movement, talking, and relational touch work to help you feel more at home in your body and your relationships.

Schedule a free 20-minute consultation today to get started.

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